It was a good night...

By 7 pm last night I was wiped, completely empty, no energy. I sat there and began feeling bad about being so tired...I felt like I am doing so much FOR my kids but not enough WITH my kids....it made me think of "The List". When Rob and I had the kids we often talked about what we wanted for them, how we wanted to raise them, and what role we would each play-a "list" if you will. We talked about positives and negatives from our own childhood, traditions to keep going, and things we would NEVER do....

1) HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!! I honestly can't remember a time growing up where my parents hugged us...honestly! Rob's family are huge huggers. And although it seemed weird at first-I love it now! I want to hug my kids everyday, 10-20 times a day!!! I want that interaction, that contact with them no matter how old they are!

2) I LOVE YOU'S...again- I can't remember this happening very often at all! In the last 8 years I can recall twice that my mother has said "I love you" and even then it felt ackward. I tell my kids every chance I get-everyday-all day!

3) Independence with guidance...there is a fine line between doing everything for your child and doing nothing to let them learn on their own. I want them to be independent but with a path to follow. A path that has been laid out, talked about, and worked on.

4) Open, honest communication...Rob was able to talk to his mother about everything...and I mean everything! But me-oh hell no! I didn't tell my parents anything and couldn't! I want to listen, reason, help, and then talk about any disappointments or punishments. I want my kids to know that we are here to talk too and that we really do understand!

Our list went on and on...and as I sat there on the couch with the kids beside me watching Deadliest Catch I realized...I still follow my list. Just because I'm tired every now and then it is expected. I am giving my all and trying the best way I know how. I am not going to repeat the same mistakes as those before me did. I am not my mother...I am me.

So after much debate with myself I felt ok about the night...we had a family dinner, we watched the show together, we hugged them, said I love you, and tucked them in......it was a good night.